Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Where I went wrong in 2013

The 2013 civil service main exams, though relatively easy, didn't turn out well for me. Here's why:

1. I didn't believe in myself enough.
Talking to peers over the phone right before the exam really affected my confidence level. Every single time I talked to some friends, I got a feeling that I hadn't prepared enough, and it's gonna be difficult to pass the exam.

2. I didn't sleep well enough on the day before the exam.
I felt sleepy at 10pm, but didn't go to sleep as I thought I'd read more. Peer pressure also had an influence on me. My closest study mate wasn't going to sleep any soon. This led to a disaster. I couldn't sleep at all. Sleep came only at 9 am, when I was about to write the exam. DISASTER.

3. I felt lonely.
Should have stayed with a friend/brought my family. If you are a very emotional person who doesn't have control over your own internal demons, bring your family or stay with a close friend.

4. I failed at assessing the question paper properly and allocating time accordingly.
There were 25 questions, at least 300-400 words each to be written. Which means around 80 pages to be written in 3 hours- IMPOSSIBLE!! best way is to write 50-100 words for all answers instead of writing a few good answers and leaving all the rest.

Bottomline: No matter how hard you study, how well you are oriented for the civil services, it is your performance on the examination day that counts. No compromise on that. Do whatever it takes to ensure a comfortable and relaxed time during the exam days.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Mask

...and danced to the tune of love?

An illusion!
The creature was no Angel
But she smiled and smiled in its arms
It hurt her when it tightened grip
Nails sinking into her tender flesh
She struggled to let herself free
"Don't leave me here, I shall perish"
It cried, with the angelic mask on
Alas, she was still in her dreams
"I am not to leave. Poor angel"

She let it strangle her.

She smiled, even as its grip was tight
Suffocated, she jerked in pain
She struggled to let herself free
"Don't leave me here, I shall perish
Without you, there is nothing but darkness
You are my life
You are my light"
She seldom realized it was a mirage
"I am not to leave. Poor thing.. my angel"

She let it strangle her.

Staying on in its hurtful grip
She realized she had no escape
For her heart was tender and true.
Her angel had come for nothing,
But to rescue her from the 'big bad world', remember?
The very thought of leaving seemed like a crime

She stayed there, and let it strangle.

Many a time it roared so strong
She collapsed, unconscious into its arms
And as she opened her eyes, exhausted,
It would quickly put its mask on
And cry, even more heart wrenchingly

"Don't leave me here, I shall perish
Without you, there is nothing but darkness
You are my life
You are my light
You are the very meaning of my birth"
She smiled and smiled with love,
And let it lay on her wounded shoulder

It rose from there stepping on her weak feet
And from there it climbed to her waist
On her shoulders, then her head.
She smiled- "yes, my angel has grown up
He's strong and happy and ready to fly"
It burst her veins, drinking her blood to grow stronger

She remained smiling

Until it trampled her under its feet
Drained her of her soul and blood
And grew to a size of a monster
Tearing the angelic mask  into shreds

Its face grinned a cruel grin,
While sucking in her last drop of blood.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Where have "I"gone?

Lately have been missing someone. Someone articulate, brave and smart, with a zest for life and hopes so bright, always smiling, thriving to replace darkness with light.

Are you somewhere beside me reading as one writes? Are you just tired? Or are you away somewhere nice?

Feeling completely lost-  regressed to a lower state of being . Cannot fathom the meaning of "I" anymore, it has none now, for its gone!

Do come back. Need to find the missing me in me. Need to rediscover myself. Need to be back. Yes. "I" need to be back.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Climate 'Change'?

It's a Saturday night and I happen to be slightly tipsy and I hope that would assist my thoughts to flow freely,  without the adulteration of diplomacy.

Our life on Earth is similar to that of a bubble that bursts within seconds, when compared to the total lifetime of the universe. The Earth has been revolving around the sun for the past 4.56 billion years. Human kind evolved rather recently and before we came, there were a multitude of organisms that came, flourished and disappeared. The Earth's climate has never been static, as we popularly believe. The four ice ages in the Pleistocene age and the inter glacial warming ages stand as testimony to this fact. Yet there is such a great hue and cry against the supposed 'climate change' (as if climate was ever static). At the most, the human race has altered the pace of the Earth's climatic changes a little. Thinking that the present forms of plant and animal life are meant to stay forever and thinking that its human kind's duty to 'save the earth' in itself is flawed. Whether the human race and flora and fauna as we see it to today exist or don't exist, the Earth will go on, just as it did after the extinction of dinosaurs, dodos, mammoths and the innumerable plants and animals. What we are trying to do today is save ourselves, and not the Earth.

Many a time we forget that human kind is also a product of the nature of Earth and evolved according to the laws of nature. The actions of human kind can thus be easily understood as indirectly the work of nature, and not 'artificial' and separate from nature. After all, it is nature that decided that man will evolve this way and think of different ways to exploit the surroundings to better his life. In effect, the 'climate change' as we talk about it today is also a product of nature.

We are being greedy when we believe that human kind would thrive forever if it weren't for the anthropogenic pollution and other activities.
This doesn't mean that I am against environment friendly initiatives like switching to eco friendly technology, pollution mitigation and so on. I'm totally for them. They will definitely improve the quality of life of us and generations to come. What I am trying to highlight through this article is that the climatic patterns of the Earth are ever changing despite human intervention.

No, I'm not a climate change sceptic. Climate is changing. But it always has been.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


The Indian Civil Services today, as always, is one of most prestigious and sought after career options available in India. The power, charm and respect an IAS officer holds makes it nothing less than a dream job. The emergence of multinational companies offering plump salaries and perks after the dawn of liberalization, privatization and globalization in India has not affected the demand for this career, as is proven from the sheer number of aspirants appearing for the preliminary exam every year. On the contrary it is seen that more and more bright young minds from streams like engineering, medicine and management are getting attracted to this field.

The civil services offer a right mix of challenging opportunities and the best work conditions and perks. As a member of the Indian Civil Services, one will be in close contact with people and the decisions taken by a civil servant directly or indirectly impact the common man in a significant way. There is a general belief that there is a lot of political interference and control over the civil servants. The fact is that any position with a lot of authority and responsibilities is bound to have controls along with it. This is true with private sector jobs as well.

As a civil servant, one will receive the opportunity to interact with distinguished individuals and institutions from around the world. Being able to participate in policy formulation and high level decision making brings a great deal of satisfaction and pride. Apart from being one of the most stable employers, the Government of India provides other benefits to civil servants including health, housing, transportation and sufficient leave. The Indian Government also encourages higher studies among civil servants by fully funding education of officers at the best universities in India and abroad.

The possibilities of reaching the highest echelons of administration at the state and national level- including positions like cabinet secretary, home secretary, chief secretary (state), CAG and CEC, add to the lure of the civil services. The civil services offer the bright young minds of India the best opportunity to utilize their potential and excel. A member of the Indian civil services will get the rare and invaluable opportunity to contribute to the transformation of our country into a global superpower.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Chandrayaan- 1

Last sunday when I went through the "Hindu" open page, there was an article that mentioned about the state spending on missiles and moon missions. It was then that I thought I should take out an article I wrote in my diary dated 22-10-'08

Chandrayaan- 1

      The Rs. 386 crore moon mission of India, Chandrayaan-1 has been successfully launched today. Chandrayaan-1 is the first Indian lunar satellite and the mission period is 2 years. It entered its preliminary orbit today, dropped as programmed by the PSLV C-11 carrier vehicle that took off from Sriharikottah this morning. PSLV is an indegenous satellite launching vehicle and this its 3rd consecutive success. With this India is elevated to the elite group of nations that are members of the moon research project viz Russia, U.S, Japan, China and EU.

     No doubt, this is a great milestone for ISRO and the media is celebrating the event with all enthusiasm. Chandrayaan is even sending a probe to study the moon's surface!! 

     On this momentous day, every Indian feels proud. I met people saying this project would help India's overall development. Others said it would instantaneously elevate India's stature as a global super power. I said, well it might be true, considering the 40 crores of starving tummies we have to feed.

    400 crores of rupees for Indians to know the moon better? Can I make a suggestion here? Lets  first learn how to read and write!! With around 35 crores of people people who've never touched a pen in their lives, its very appropriate to send a mission to study the complexities of the moon.

Here are some facts about our country.

  • 71% of the rural population don't have minimum sanitation facilities. They excrete in the open.
  • 40 crores of Indians can't afford three meals a day
  • The largest number of malnourished children live in India.
  • Electricity hasn't reached 20% of India's rural areas.
Surprised? there's even more. Not even 1% of the GDP is spent towards healthcare facilities. India is way behind most of sub Saharan Africa when it comes to crucial infrastructure like roads.

      I'm a staunch supporter of progress in scientific research. But our focus at the moment must be in narrowing the gap between the urban middle class and the majority of our population that continues to live in sub human conditions. Scientific research should be in most crucial areas like cheap and renewable energy for the millions who still live in the dark, cheap housing and sanitation facilities, irrigation, drinking water, roads and basic infrastructure that would raise the quality of life, usher in new industries and drive our economy right from the roots. Space technology and moon missions can wait.

     As long as there are over 400 million people whose lives revolve around procuring by any means a meal to keep them alive, all the hype surrounding the so- called  milestone of ISRO seems meaningless.
Josephine Varghese

Monday, May 31, 2010

My life

Until last week, i had hope... hope of reaching my destination.. But as things turned out, I'll have to wait longer for it. And the more time passes, the more uncertain it becomes..

I want to start my career as soon as possible, so that I can contribute my maximum, at the earliest. But I'm let down.. By whom? By myself. I have to give it another shot..

Well, tomorrow, I'm leaving.. my little part time job- source of confidence and ofcourse money- at stake.. I've already lost some precious days of class.. Oh yes, I'll be coming back in less than a month.

Disheartened I am- no- I should never be.. For true brave fight even when defeat is certain.

Good Bye.
(will see you soon)